The only remaining secondary school in Bath was today forced into the move of sacking it's entire teaching staff writes Robin Peterson. The local authority can not afford to pay enough teachers so they've decided just not to bother with any. Under the new regime, when the children arrive at school on Monday morning they will be taken by an administrational assistant and directed to a cell where they will be given a book entitled 'Teach Yourself Key Stage 3' at which point the administrational assistant will utter the instruction 'GO READ'. It was to be 'Go and Read' but after consultation with street language specialist Alistair G. it was decided that this instruction may be incomprehensible for most of the children. Should at any point during the day the child need the toilet, he or she should press a button which would alert an administrational assistant to the situation. The assistant would then go to a toilet cubical and count the number of characters of graffiti on the walls. The assistant will then fetch the child and direct them to the cubical. When the child emerges they will be directed back to their cell after which the administrational assistant will return to the cubical and recount the number of characters of graffiti and give one hour detention to the child per character added. President of the National Union of Teachers, Carla Robbie has described the move as 'a retrograde step'.

Other news today, and the latest official figures show that the number of people unemployed and claiming benefit in Bath is at a record high of 187% of the working population. The statistics would appear to show that somebody, somewhere is on to a nice little earner!