Team Tactics

On the left are the team placings for the next match, the arrows showing the lines of attack for each player. Those without arrows are not intended to attack unless provoked. No-one has lines of defence since we still haven't got round to learning this. The other tactics are below.

Netty and Ed are to get in really good positions but no-one is actually meant to pass to them.
Duncan, Bully, or anyone else finding themselves near the opponent's goal, are to aim for three inches outside the post, or to aim to miss the ball completely when hitting. If you do find yourself near the opponent's goal, check that you are not actually a defender who has forgotten to change ends at half time.
Should we decide for once to bother with a goalkeeper, Pete will be there to aid the attacks from our opponents or from Mark, but not to defend.
Jenny is to attack by penetrating the opponents defence with hacking, shoulder-barging and any other method she can get away with.
Carla and Caroline are present only to make up the correct numbers of girls, and therefore should not be expected to stop the ball as they'll probably be chatting.
If we are defending, try to channel their forwards to the right since we have many right-backs but nobody on the left.
Mark should be particularly aware of the strong tackles coming in from girls who are standing off the pitch and looking the other way.
Simon is not expected to be able to keep the ball from running off the edge of the pitch since he is only in the team because he brings the oranges.
Our survival is to be guaranteed by Chris or other exceptionally good player being able to paste everyone on the other team and do all the work for us.
Any clothes providing warmth may be confiscated by me and can be collected when I am back indoors.
If anything goes wrong, have a lengthy argument with the opposition about the rules and then feel justified to hack them if they disagree.
No-one is to point out that we have too many players on the pitch.
And overall, these are for guidelines only, so you can just go wherever you feel like, with the exception of the far back right corner which I shall be guarding fiercely.

See you all at the match,

Debra

Stop trying to understand the tactics