Sensational news broke in Bath today (again) as the British government decided that the village of Bath did not deserve to share Greenwich Mean Time with the rest of the country writes Robin Peterson. In an effort to prevent people from Bath ever seeing anyone else, the time in Bath will now be twelve hours behind the rest of the country. It was going to be twelve hours ahead although one junior civil servant pointed out that then people from Bath would get to find out what happens in Neighbours before the rest of us. "This would have been a travesty" commented a more senior official. The news is a blow for commerce as trading hours will not coincide with anywhere in Europe. When I pointed this out to government minister Ian Charge (think about it!), Mr Charge remarked "what commerce?". Fair point I suppose.

The news is said to be particularly bad news for students applying to do masters degrees at the university as their interviews would be in the middle of the night. "It could be terminal for the university" said Miss Admissiona Tutorson of Bath University. Another bad day for Bath.