Since Bath can no longer justify employing any doctors, radical new measures have been put into practice at the hospital, writes Robin Peterson. The hospital can not be closed because it is the only hospital in the district but with a diminishing population to serve, it is now considered an inefficient use of public money to employ any doctors. Under the new scheme, when a patient sustains an injury or illness, it is down to the individual to get him or herself to the hospital. If they aren't within walking distance, or have broken a leg or something, they will be entitled to get a taxi and have their fare partially reimbursed. Once at the hospital, an administrational assistant will direct the patient to a vacant operating theatre (if th=re is one - which is unlikely as the last one closed last week) and the patient will then be given a book entitled 'Major Surgery for Dummies' and loaned all of the instruments they may need for their treatment. It is recommended that the patient bring a friend if there is a likelihood of passing out. This self-service scheme is being frowned upon by the medical profession. Dr Bob Leaf gave us his thoughts, "In my professional opinion," said Doc Leaf, "when it comes to surgery, there really is nothing like a professional surgeon". The news has received a cautious welcome from environmental groups. You wouldn't think they'd be that fussed but they seem to have an op= inion on everything these days.

Other news today, and the fact the Bath City Football Club play in a village is now officially the most popular sporting trivia question in Northern Europe.