Bath Council Minutes Leaked to Press - Exclusive!!!
The Bath Evening Gazette has sensationally managed to get hold of minutes from yesterdays council meeting writes Robin Peterson. The minutes appear to uncover some sort of vendetta to make the village rubbish. The minutes read thus:
Chairman: Good morning councillors. After destroying Bath's health, education, transport and policing systems and bringing the village to its knees commercially speaking, can anyone think of anything we can still do to make this place more rubbish?
(LONG PAUSE)
Councillor One: Are we still supplying electricity?
Chairman: Yes we are! We can cut the electricity! Why didn't we think of it before! It's so obvious.
Councillor Two: With all due respect sir, we can't just turn the power off, we have no feasible grounds. What we really need is somebody to put in charge of the power supply so awful, so atrocious at his job that the power system will just peter out within days. Does anyone know of such a man?
(LONG PAUSE)
Councillor Four: I believe I know of a man. This man made a promising start to his career at Yorkshire Electricity. He was promoted to manager and then given the job as Managing Director of National Power. National Power's profits were $30 billion per year. After just two years in charge, the company was making a loss of $12 billion. The man in question was made redundant and given a huge pay off (you see when somebody loses a company in the order of £320 billion it's worth paying him millions to leave). This man was at the time second only to Sir James Seymour on the rich list. Anyway, the man moved to Scottish power and the whole country was without power within two weeks of his appointment. After another big pay off this man is now a self-employed consultant.
Chairman: Who is this man? Pray tell us his name.
Councillor Four: The man is ... Sir Phill Tuxford.
Chairman (now standing): Get me Phill Tuxford.
Chairman (now shouting): This village needs PHILL TUXFORD.
Councillor Four: Certainly sir, I shall be in contact first thing in the morning.
Chairman: That's settled then. Any other business? ... No.. See you tomorrow gentlemen.
These minutes are assumed to be genuine. They were sent in by an administrational assistant at the council offices named Pauline YerLegason so we have no reason to doubt their authenticity.
Tuxford Stroy was an Elaborate Hoax