Trial Day Three
By Robin Peterson at the Old Barley.
The third day of the sensational trial of Pauline YerLegason finally gathered momentum today as the defendant herself took the stand. The prosecution began questioning:
Ms Oxbridge: Now, Miss YerLegason. Did you write the fictitious minutes that appeared in this local newspaper? (holds exhibit 1, a copy of the wonderful Bath Evening Gazette)
Miss YerLegason: Yes I did.
Ms Oxbridge: Did you write them with the intention of making the council 'look stupid'?
Miss YerLegason: Nothing was further from my mind.
Ms Oxbridge: Then why did you write them?
Miss YerLegason: For a joke.
Ms Oxbridge: But then surely you intended to make the council look stupid?
Miss YerLegason: I didn't intend anyone else to see them.
Ms Oxbridge: Then why did you phone a local newspaper saying you'd come across minutes from a meeting that you thought they might be interested in?
Miss YerLegason: I didn't.
Ms Oxbridge: Play the tape - exhibit 2.
Tape: Beep. "Hello there, my name's Pauline YerLegason, I work for the council and I've come across some minutes that I think your paper might be interested in".
Audience: GASPS.
Miss YerLegason: May I slightly rephrase my previous answer. (pause) Yes I did phone the newspaper.
Ms Oxbridge: Then you surely intended to make the council look stupid.
Miss YerLegason: No. I made the phone call by mistake.
Ms Oxbridge: You made the phone call by mistake! Never have I heard anything so ridiculous - how can anyone accidentally phone a local newspaper and then be perfectly aware they're talking to a local newspaper while on the phone to the local newspaper. This is insanity.
Miss YerLegason: May I slightly rephrase my previous answer. (pause) I didn't make the call by mistake.
Ms Oxbridge: Then surely you intended the minutes to be published and to make the council look stupid.
Miss YerLegason: No. I have friends at the paper in question.
Ms Oxbridge: I have taken the liberty of asking the entire work force of the local paper and Robin Peterson hadn't heard of you before the phone call in question.
Miss YerLegason: May I slightly rephrase my previous answer. (pause) I don't have friends at the paper in question. I just think journalists are really cool people so I wanted a journalist friend so I sent the joke to the paper hoping to make friends but I never wanted it to be published. In fact if there was one think I didn't want to happen to the minutes, it would be for them to be published in a newspaper.
Ms Oxbridge: So let me get this straight. You wrote a joke, you thought 'I hope this doesn't get published in a local paper' so the first thing you did was to get on the phone to the Bath Evening Gazette claiming to have a sensational news story but you didn't tell then that you didn't want it printed, you just wanted to make journalist friends by the medium of your dry sense of humour.
Miss YerLegason: Well done. You've got there in the end.
Ms Oxbridge: The prosecution wish to note that the defendant is clearly guilty as pie and here we rest our case.
Judge Taylor: There we leave it, see you after the break.
During the break Ms YerLegason wooed the crowds with a 3 minute string of jokes, gags and witticisms on a range of topical issues. The prosecution looked distinctly unamused as the jury were rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter as Miss YerLegason's natural comic genius stole the show. The rest of the day passed without major incident.
Trial Day Four - The Result!!!!!!!!!!!!!