But when he awoke, he awoke with a determined glint in his eye. He blinked. The glint was still there. He rubbed his eye and blinked some more. Still there. This was one hell of a determined glint. Eventually he had to stick his head in a bucket of water and flush it out.

Then he and the glint set to work.

They organised builders, decorators, plumbers, dancers and all other necessary people for the building of a pub. It was going to be good, Bob had a feeling inside. However, this feeling was probably a result of the McDonald's vege-burger he'd had earlier.

He had a woman perfect for behind the bar - his wife. It'd be nice for her to get out of the cave once every day, and no-one expects too much of a bar-maid.

He just needed a name. Or rather he didn't, but the pub did.

But he couldn't think of one. He went through various ideas - The Three Lions (bit unimaginative), The Hole in the Wall (but they didn't have a wall, The Artichoke (imaginative, but what the hell has an artichoke got to do with a pub?) - but none of his ideas were any good. Until he finally thought of naming it after two of the most popular film stars of the time - always in the news doing a new film - big celebrities.

So after a few months of banging, scraping, filling, plastering, lighting and dancing, he and his wife were quite exhausted, and the pub was just about ready to open.

The Fred and Wilma opened the following day, and to their amazement, people actually came to see it. This was, as it happened, a fluke, because a party of D of E hikers had happened to come across it, and stopped off. Perhaps if Bob had thought of advertising the place, he'd have had more people than a party of D of E hikers, and various builders still hanging around, but it was a start.

And soon he was making some money, so he could afford advertising. He put posters of Fred and Wilma looking very pissed all over the place, and many people visited.

And before long, Bob was the most popular man around (after Fred) and he bought himself a nice little cave in the country. This was a little pointless, since it was miles away and took about three weeks to get to.

But Bob wasn't bothered, for it wasn't long before the wheel was invented, and unicycles appeared soon after that. So his wife could unicycle to their new country cave, and leave Bob in peace for a few months.

Bob, of course, couldn't ride one because he was a malco, but he didn't mind, for with no wife around, he could go on the pull with all his new friends.

So he was happy, his wife was happy, and generally people everywhere were in a pretty good mood.

Until someone invented under-age drinking laws...