You set pen to paper. You also notice how lucky it is to find both pen and paper on the table in the cafe. "That's a nice pen," you think, "I'll 'ave that."

You can catch cold. You cannot catch hot. Therefore cold must be slower than hot since it is slow enough for you to catch it, whereas hot runs away before you have time.

At a purely molecular level, hot is faster. Atoms in a solid vibrate more, and atoms in a gas move more quickly, when the substance is hot. Atoms that are hot therefore move faster than atoms which are cold.

In terms of property, hot property moves at a faster rate than normal property (that could be considered cold in contrast). Again, hot wins.

In terms of news, hot comes up trumps yet again. It is common knowledge that hot news travels fast - a bit like a hot potato, only completely different.

It is often said that things "Go like hot cakes". This is of course used to mean that thay go fast. Cold cakes wouldn't really be as quick to go.

If you are re-moving hot and cold, hot moves faster. If I write down hot and cold in pencil on some paper, and erase them using a standard eraser, hot moves off the page faster since it is a shorter word. So far, Hot 6, Cold 0.

Hot is also used to express speed in phrases such as: "The postman ran down the path with the dog hot on his heels". Cold just wouldn't work so hot is faster once again.

In terms of women, hot is faster. A cold, or frigid, woman does not move very much, but a woman who is hot will move far more, thus making her faster.

Hot is the name of my pet hare. Cold is the name of my pet tortoise. Hot moves faster.

So hot wins by an outstanding 9-0.