This lunch gave him lots of energy, which was a bit of a pain, because it meant he had to get something to give to the lunch, just to make it seem as if he cared. Which was a bit silly, but then Ian was a particularly silly bloke.

So Ian decided he should continue to try to find the land of nod, but who could help him? He thought that the map would be a good idea, but no-one ever did listen to any of his ideas, so instead, he went to seek the advice of Iva Biggedd. Iva was a very knowledgeable old lady, who knew all sorts of things like how to do a balloon up without all the air coming out, and how to do up a real bow tie, and which the quickest ways to 'das barnhoff' and 'la gare' were.

Ian knocked on the door, which was a bit silly (but then he was a particularly silly bloke), as it had just been opened for him by Iva, and went inside, which was a wholly more sensible plan. Ian had been planning the best way to force the secret of the whereabouts of the land of nod out of her, and had finally come up with a winning plan.

"Where is the land of nod?", he asked.

"D'ya want a cup 'o tea, me young man?", she asked.

"That would be lovely", Ian replied, "but where is the land of nod?".

The old woman toddled out of the room, and came in five minutes later with some tea and cakes, which she offered around.

Ian, being the only guest, felt mildly obliged to take some cake with his tea, after all the effort gone into preparing them - years of testing have gone into making Mr Kipling's cakes so exceedingly good.

"Oooh - you do eat well," she said, seeing the cake disappearing. "Anyway, what was it you wanted to know?"

"The land of no-"

"No- wait a minute, don't tell me yet, I have remembered some lovely scones I think you'd like - they need eating up." And Iva toddled out again.

Ian didn't really like scones, and he had that sort of feeling that although Iva knew everything, she wasn't likely to get round to telling him what he wanted to know unless he ate half the food in Britain. So he left. And then he right. And then he left, right, left, right, all the way out of the door and back home. Where he had to make himself some tea and cake to calm him down.

Which left Iva puzzled by his sudden leaving, but impressed with his athletic stamina.