The Zoo is one of the large buildings in the village, dwarfed only by the Sports Centre over the road and Northumberland to the east. You walk in, and are greeted by a couple in a little booth who offer guides and postcards. You notice that the postcards are arranged in alphabetical order, though the guides seem more randomly placed.

You ask them if they got bored sorting by the time they got to the guides, and the man's beginnings of a sentence are interrupted by "They are sorted - in order of how good the bloke on the front of the cover looks. I'm Carla by the way."

The way looks up and corrects her, telling you that he is in fact the Phill. While Carla spends some time considering whether she really has got the guides in the right order, Phill explains that they are working here to help out the owner, Dave, who they haven't seen since he went to visit Helen some days ago. Dave, perhaps suspecting his fate, had asked Carla to look after the Zoo. By the time she'd realised that the slogan wasn't actually Conversation in Action as she'd thought, she'd already agreed to help, and forced Phill to come too to make two to make some conversation. Phill couldn't quite understand the dappy babbling, but worked out that he was expected to help her out.

The Zoo contains a slightly unusual selection of animals. The reason for this is that due to a complete lack of funds, the only way the zoo can afford to keep animals is for local people to sponsor them. So if someone wants to sponsor a chinchilla, the zoo gets a chinchilla. If someone wants to give some money for the upkeep of a family of the lesser-known Glaswegian Monkey, the zoo gives a home to some Glaswegian Monkeys.

The Zoo relies on a considerable number of sponsors to keep certain animals fit and healthy. In particular, you notice:

• An area of seals and penguins with an engraved sign saying "Sponsored by Taylor and Son".
• A large herd of camels (actually purchased by the local band for a cover shoot and later given to the zoo when parking overnight became a problem).
• A building full of snails (including the snails-with-tails - Snailus Tailus) and worms (including sineworms - Squiggla Florescenta) made possible by the kind dontations from Phill and Helen.
• A Meerkat enclosure sponsored by "Ben Tilley (c)".
• And lastly a Lesser Beaten Bloomfield, due to donations from a group of local bears.

You decide you've seen enough animals, and head back to the road.